And He Said...

"Don't look for me in the images in your head because I am not there.

Don't look for me behind you because you won't find me. I am here, I am right in front of you.

I know who you are. You are my wife. I see you in the portraits. I see you taking our children to school. I know who you are."

Its a passion!...heres a bit about me

Well, I just looked at my own blogspot and I realised to a visitor I probably seem completely obsessed about sex and sexuality because thats all I write about! Yes it is a passion, and if you read some of my posts you'll get why - but no...I am not pathological! I do, believe it or not live a happy, 'normal' life and I do have a lot of other things going on to talk about (good things and lifes other little dilemmas) - I guess I'm not using my blog for that. I began writing here because this is an issue that I do feel deeply about, and so I guess I thought this could be my way of getting it out of my system and if I stumble across others who agree, or disagree - it would be a great outlet for open discussions.
How and why this came to be something I feel strongly about is an ongoing story in itself...maybe another day.
So I guess that all I wanted to say: this is but a small window of my life that I am sharing with a computer....and all that the computer is connected to! Sometimes I write a bit more deeply about why I see things the way I do, other times I blurt stuff out of sheer frustration, anger and sadness.

Sexual Objectification...lost souls

Since my last post I have been surfing the blog area, reading lots. There are so many to see!!
But, as my interests serve me I have been reading some comments regarding sexual objectification and peoples view about it all. For me, there is so much to say...where do I start? Perhaps not all tonight but I would certainly like to say that for the women who think that sexually objectifying themselves is either freedom or power - wow! you are lost souls. I know to many that will incite anger..but hey...lets have an open discussion.
I could talk about my own personal experiences as a girl, a women - and how I have always throughout my life cringed at the knowledge that someone was gazing apon me...because I am more than that - I am me - inside. But I won't talk about that too much because I know I am but one person in this world...so I do take a step back from myself and my own experiences and discuss the dynamics.
I could also talk about the many, many women I have met in my life who do objectify themselves, and have then later to learnt that they are some of the most insecure women I have met...but once again, I realise these are only just some women in the world - I cannot conclude from that.
But what I can do is say these things:
Objectifying oneself is not freedom...it may feel like freedom but it is a cheap freedom. You are not free, you are being constricted into a set of beliefs and consumed by voyers. Some femenists say that the movement has been liberating for women...I'm not sure how making oneself into an object is liberation to the human spirit.
Empowering? Power? Well..not true power. This is all a fake sence of power...empowerment for yourself comes from within. Sexually objectifiying oneself gives a fake sence of power - but that power felt is dependent on another - on anothers gaze, on anothers positive attention. If power is dependent on another, than it is not true power - because there is no power unless another is giving the attention to feel it. True power is there all the time - regardless of what you look like and regardless of whether people are giving you positive or negative attention.
Anyway...I am not out to offend anyone - just to have an open discussion. I am not religious and I am all for healthy sexuality (I feel the need to say that because too often my ideas are interpreted as such). And I certainly do not believe in telling people who to be and how to behave...I just think that there is one big crazy thing going on in this world between men and women, and I see what happens and how people think about it and I don't understand why people seem to be so lost within themselves...that identity is about sex, interations is about sex, and inside feels superficially full but deep down hollow. And in the meantime we are loosing our ability to deeply connect with another so that they truely know our inner soul, to respect one another as human beings, and maintain integrity within ourselves and our lives. And I guess when it comes to my beliefs...this is so much more worth striving for and eternally fulfulling...rather than a cheap look and wistle...that only lasts seconds.

Worried about the World

Its been a long while, but day in day out I am disturbed at we so called humans.

There are so many things I could list right now but it would take an eternity. The thing that worries me the most however is the sex culture that we are living in...the one that is happening and getting bigger and bigger...and 50% of people love it and the other 50% don't care, and mixed in these are people who don't see it at all...because it certainly is normality these days.

I have nothing against sex and sexuality...but I have a lot against what our society and its people does with it.

I have had this discussion with many, and listened to many speak. You know what really makes me laugh...yet cry? Is when I hear mothers/fathers/ talking about their 10 year old who wants to wear a G-string and the tiniest clothes she can find...their response? - 'it's just the way kids are these days'...'or its just fashion'.

Well, no, its not either really, not per se. Our children are reflecting what we are teaching them. Your daughter is learning that it is her role as a female to be sexual, to be sexually appealing, that as a female it is her job to be 'there for the males viewing pleasure'. Your young boys are being taught to look...that's what they do - gaze.

Not only is this effecting our babies, what disturbes me to no end is that it is like a rollercoaster now...there's no stopping it. This mentality is effecting so many women, so many men - that it is the norm, and there is nothing wrong with it. It has always been there, but now women are doing it to themselves! TV, news, billboards, advertisements, magazines, movies, walking down the street...women are in one big competition as to who can be the most sexual, and hey...what men are complaining?

Look, you know what...I don't like the whole thing..but let me say this. I could go so far as to say that I can take a step back, distance myself from the world and say "i am not part of this" and let you all live that life...(I'll go buy a farm and live off the land, with not TV!!). But the problem is that people don't see what all this means. People don't see how its all connected. Is it because they really don't understand? Or is it because they really don't want to? Regardless...the truth is that this stuff spills over into the world...it has an effect on our children and on innocent women. When we talk about sexual abuse, sex crimes...you cannont say they have nothing to do with sex. They do not exist in a vaccum. Yes, I am fully aware that sexual abuse is about power and control...but let me say 2 things:

1/ Power and control and sex
2/ Our sex culture is all about power and control

The fact is that we have a very unhealthy view and manner about sex in our society. Women are objectified and commodotized ALL THE TIME these days...when we live in a world where this happens...when men live this way, women openly accept it and let it happen (even do it themselves) and our children learn it...you have some very dangerous ground for bad things to happen.

On a micro level all men are solely responsible for their actions and must be held accountable.
On a macro level men and women are playing out some very dangerous interactions. We're all in this together.