Men’s rights women’s rights debate…How about people? How about humanity?

-What about PEOPLE??-

Why do we always have to designate and separate man from women, women from man when we talk about relationships and sex? Its absolutely everywhere…from magazines about ‘what a man really wants’, (like somehow masses of men are so different from women), to conversations about objectification, sexualisation, sex and relationships between men and women – in that conversations centre around ‘women’ and ‘men’ and how they are different.

Sure, it would seem that I do this. I talk extensively about men and women, and how women today are commoditised and objectified whilst men gaze onward…I talk about power imbalances and exploitation and how it effects men and women in the world.

But here’s the thing:

I don’t believe that men are inherently different from women, nor vice versa. No, I don’t believe that testosterone is the great divide between man and women and how we think, feel and behave (and indeed studies show testosterone accounts for only small variances). I don’t believe that we all inherently have different needs (women and men in general that is). I believe that we are all taught. Social and observational learning is quite a big force, especially when we are social creatures. Social construction and identity – that’s big too, and usually unconscious to most.

It would seem that when matters of man and women are in hot debate, we categorise each into pigeonholes as completely sperate entities. Sure, I have been known to say things like – “I think that it is up to women to turn around the objectification of women.” – and hence can be seen laying responsibility on one of us ‘species’. I guess I think though that there is a difference here: I say such because ‘something needs to give’ regarding human relations, and since women are the ones in the mainstream that are bought and sold for sex, then I guess it is up to women to say ‘hell no I don’t want to be cheapened anymore’. Do I think this is fair: No. Shouldn’t have to be this way – but we can’t help ‘shoulds’ – there are many in this life…just is. Although in this it would seem that I am separating man from women – I’m not. I see it more as a whole of people – and people who, for example, disrespect each other. If you want to stop the disrespect, the one who’s being disrespected needs to stand up for themselves and command respect. The disrespected won’t stop disrespecting…if they are doing it in the first place, and are allowed/given permission, then they will continue unless ‘someone puts a stop to it’.

So when I see, for example, men talk about how ‘what a good man is/should be’, listing that he should, for example, treat people well and with respect, take responsibility for his actions, be secure in himself etc etc – I just think…that’s fantastic – but why can’t we just say people?? Not man, not women…people. When we talk about generations of the Patriarchy and women’s submissiveness – yes, once again I agree – but why can’t we start to see it all as ‘people respecting people’ – not man vs women or vice versa. I try to see it in a realm of human relations. I don’t identify with feminism (don’t even know what all the terms mean really). Most seem to categories themselves as to who they are ‘more for’ ‘more against’ – men’s rights vs women’s rights…what the? I say…what about peoples respect for people, peoples rights as people? How are we to ever mend the rafts between women and man (ie: inequalities; power imbalances; exploitation; abuse) when we who are insightful enough, intelligent enough, caring enough to discuss it and debate it can’t come together as people – to discuss people. How can us people come together when we don’t even identify each as one of the same – humanity.