A little bit tired...of choices
I'm a little tired of hearing over and over people say that in the sex industry people have choices. Choices, choices, choices, choices...Women can choose what they do, and we need to respect them and not undermine them for their autonomy and choices.
Blah! You know I used to use the word choices all the time. And to some extent I still use it now. But I realise now it is not so simple.
People are constrained. People are constrained by many things, which impedes their choices - in fact, we shouldn't even use the word choice here - just when people are constrained it impacts on how they think, feel and behave. Constraints can be many: thoughts, family, experiences, events, socio-economic status, illness, interactions...on and on.
I have heard some say that woman in the sex industry choose to be in the industry, and that this still stands even if they were abused in their past, or have no money and are living in poverty. People have said that even though these things have happened, we need to respect their choices, and believe in their choices, otherwise we are saying they are not capable of making decisions. Well, such a person is constrained. They are constrained by their past experiences, they are constrained by they poverty, and because of these constraints other 'choices' are not available to them. Their behaviour, thoughts, feelings have been influenced, and these things constrain them into a certain 'direction' as it were. Is this person free to choose? Not really, they are constrained by themselves.
Is a woman free to 'choose' not to be a prostitute if she believes she is worthless and useless...she is constrained by her beliefs, and her actions follow. She is not freely choosing, she is constrained into a set of behaviours that reflect her constraints.
What I have learnt over the last little while from reading others is that people can be very narrow in their views and understandings. 'It's her choice, and she is allowed to choose whatever she wants, so there...'...It is not that simple sometimes.
Can a teenager choose to communicate in an assertive way with his/her fellow peers when he/she has never been taught how to do so - when all he/she knows by their home life is that you communicate in an aggressive way? Is that a choice...no, he/she is constrained by their experiences and teachings.
Blah! You know I used to use the word choices all the time. And to some extent I still use it now. But I realise now it is not so simple.
People are constrained. People are constrained by many things, which impedes their choices - in fact, we shouldn't even use the word choice here - just when people are constrained it impacts on how they think, feel and behave. Constraints can be many: thoughts, family, experiences, events, socio-economic status, illness, interactions...on and on.
I have heard some say that woman in the sex industry choose to be in the industry, and that this still stands even if they were abused in their past, or have no money and are living in poverty. People have said that even though these things have happened, we need to respect their choices, and believe in their choices, otherwise we are saying they are not capable of making decisions. Well, such a person is constrained. They are constrained by their past experiences, they are constrained by they poverty, and because of these constraints other 'choices' are not available to them. Their behaviour, thoughts, feelings have been influenced, and these things constrain them into a certain 'direction' as it were. Is this person free to choose? Not really, they are constrained by themselves.
Is a woman free to 'choose' not to be a prostitute if she believes she is worthless and useless...she is constrained by her beliefs, and her actions follow. She is not freely choosing, she is constrained into a set of behaviours that reflect her constraints.
What I have learnt over the last little while from reading others is that people can be very narrow in their views and understandings. 'It's her choice, and she is allowed to choose whatever she wants, so there...'...It is not that simple sometimes.
Can a teenager choose to communicate in an assertive way with his/her fellow peers when he/she has never been taught how to do so - when all he/she knows by their home life is that you communicate in an aggressive way? Is that a choice...no, he/she is constrained by their experiences and teachings.
posted by Personal | 7:28 PM
5 Comments:
Acumen:
Of course some women in the sex industry have been pressured or conditioned to make choices that are not really choices, or are at least, bad choices. That does not negate the free will and choice of others. I believe in helping women who need it, and for those who say "fuck off, leave me alone", well, then they deserve at least that respect, even if I do not agree with their choice.
As sick of hearing about choice as you are, well, I am equally sick of people looking for EVERY possible reason, flaw, lifetime event, condition, or quirk that they think allows them to say "but that's not a REAL choice" simply because they cannot believe that some women (not all, some) do CHOOSE to do sex work. And being in the business, I know a lot of women who feel the same damn way.
It's the flip side of a coin, Acumen. A lot of women hate how women in the sex industry supposedly reflect on all women. Well, a lot of women in the sex industry hate how all women inflict their own issues, ideas concerns, pasts, and experiences on us.
Hi, looks like I'm not the only one getting aware of something.
IMHO choices made depend mostly on the options you've got and the options being presented to you (or shoved in your face).
MrFolatt
Thanks for visiting
I guess thats the point I was trying to make - that well, what is a choice anyway?...it is only something that comes directly from who you are, what you believe, think, feel, your past experiences, your future opportunities etc etc - it is all about the options one has than the beliefs that constrain them.
I'm real sick of the old "Admit I'm right, or admit you're in denial" horse shit so beloved of those who believe they somehow have the right to treat me as a awkward concept rather than what I am; me.
For the love of God, grow the fuck up already.
Miss Crocodile : please refer to my most recent post for any future thought of responding.
It seems that touched a nerve for you; quite angry I see.
Actually this post has nothing to do with Admit I'm right, or admit you're in denial'. It is a well established theoretical framework for understanding human behaviour - and I just presented it because I find it interesting. It simple blows away the whole notion of choices, and if you understand the theory, you would understand that it has nothing to do with who's right and who's wrong, and nothing to do with denial. It has nothing to do with treating anyone as 'an awkward concept' : once again, if you understand the theory, you would understand this. Thus you response is mislead.
Regarding: "For the love of God, grow the fuck up already". What really, does this achieve? If you want someone to understand you do you think saying this achieves this? If you want to have your opinions heard do you think that saying this does this? I mean, what are you wanting me to do? Grow up in what capacity? Physically? Mentally? - in what way - intellectually? Cognitively? Emotionally? What should I 'grow' in myself? Obviously I am being sarcastic : the point being though that to say to someone 'grow up' is does not tell one your thoughts, opinions, feelings, and it does not tell me what you would request I do.
If you happen to come back and would like to discuss please feel free. If you comment is going to be like the last, please don't feel free.
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